I am told I'm 'healthy'. Emotionally....healthy.
I, like many women can cry quite easily. For the women who do cry easily, you'll relate to this. If you don't cry easily, I want to buy you a coffee and dig deep into your soul to find out how you do it.
It starts with a feeling of heat in my face, my heart starts to beat harder, my ears start to ache as I push down the knot forming in my throat. I don't really want to cry...number one... because the 10 minutes I spent on my eye make-up will run (superficial...I know)...and number two....because I care about what others around me think (an ongoing character trait I continuously work on)
They might think I'm weak.
But several years ago, I remember one particular time I cried and have thought differently about crying ever since. It was when John and I were leaving Ontario to move to New Brunswick. It was our last Sunday at the church we'd been attending and it was very sad to say goodbye to a great community church which we'd really grown to love.
I cried, and cried. John..in his usual melancholy nature, was perfectly aware of my emotion and as he's always done, just let me do my 'thang', quietly listening to me go on and on about how sad it was.
The service ended. With bloodshot eyes, I asked John 6 times if it looked like I was crying and pasted a mannequin smile on my face to head out to the lobby.
I ran into a wonderful woman I'd known for many years who just had to look at me once for me to fall apart all over again. I apologized for myself and tried to wipe my tears with an already wet/snotty tissue.
She put her hand on my shoulder and said " Jill, your just so emotionally healthy, anyone who cries easily and can display emotion, are the most emotionally healthy people!"
huh.
Still to this day, there is a part of me that doesn't believe it. But, I continue to feel like a wuss everytime I cry, especially during worship services (and when I hear about tragic news involving families or children, romantic comedies, everytime a baby tooth falls out, when I stub my toe, an inspiring commercial, when Matt dances with a big group of people www.wherethehellismatt.com) ...but I cannot help myself.
I truly believe that when the Spirit is touched in an emotional person, it's like trying to cap off a fire hydrant.
Oddly enough though, when I see or hear another woman cry, I hardly think twice before crying along with them. I think it's so great they're open to display themselves in a way that shows they too are human beings...right along with me.
It's reassuring to know I am not the only female human who isn't strong all the time, doens't bat 100% each day, screws up royally, dissapoints myself and others, feels trodden down, is exhausted, feels inspired, is proud and wishes so badly she could do and be better in most aspects of her life.
Anyone have a tissue?? *sniff, sniff**
2 comments:
Jilly, you are SO normal and healthy. For the longest time I would run for an "alone place" whenever I needed to cry so as not to let my children see me and think something was terribly wrong or that they were the cause of my tears. I was supposed to be the strong mom, not the wimpy one, you know.
But several years ago, after my bout with depression, I found myself crying while singing in the choir loft and unable to stop. I learned that day that the Holy Spirit can cause us to feel so loved and privileged to be children of the King that we are unable to hold back the tears. It was then I learned that crying is a healthy release of emotion (second only to laughter which I rely on a lot these days). We are the emotional beings He made us to be. So, don't you worry, girl. You are the Jilly we love and we love you just the way you are.
Sharing emotional with others is a wonderful support as well. It's our friends and loved ones who are the true ones with whom we feel secure enough to let them see that side of us. But as you get older, you realize that it really doesn't matter what other "people" think. Be true to yourself.
I love you, Mom
How very well said, Jill and Bonnie!
I find myself in the same situation, and more and more, it is tears that come after hearing "happy", or "touching" stories! I take that as a good sign, that I feel as though I am just filled up and overflow with love. What a wonderful thing.
That being said, I also tend to cry more easily sometimes thatn others, and often find myself, like you said Jill, crying over my inabilities!
But I think you said it beautifully, and instead of paraphrasing you, I'll quote
-It's reassuring to know I am not the only female human who isn't strong all the time, doesn't bat 100% each day, screws up royally, disappoints myself and others, feels trodden down, is exhausted, feels inspired, is proud and wishes so badly she could do and be better in most aspects of her life.
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