Idealism that fades

It's been a lifetime of figuring out.
I don't understand it and even writing this blog, am not sure if I ever will get it.

Here is my example.

Early on in September, with the beautiful foliage of fall in full swing and the air crisp and fresh, my first-born five year old started school.
This was a moment I'd been thinking of and dreaming on for most of my life. Having a little child to merrily send off to school.
I could en-vision myself at the end of the driveway on a day described exactly as above.
(the following IS ridiculous but just go with me here, I WAS idealistic) After getting up promptly at 6:30 to prepare my dear child without rushing them, sporting a tidy pony-tail , wearing a freshly pressed LLBean cotton blouse, khaki pants and leather loafers, we would descend to the bus stop. While waving to my adorable child once she boarded the bus, I would also be holding a hot, steamy cup of coffee in my hand while fingering the diamond stud earrings adorning my wonderful, domestic self.

Fast foreword.

Today, as I walked back up my driveway after seeing Kalea off to school, I couldn't help but think " wow, my idealistic visions have really faded"... this is why.

I got up this morning at 7:07. That was because at 4:31 last night I was woken by Sam crying because he had a cough and needed a drink. I thought I would check on Kalea while I was up and discovered she had moved herself from her bed (that has a plastic mattress cover), to my cotton, slip covered living room couches. They and her were soaked in a healthy kindergarten kid pee. I was too tired to deal with it and she was sleeping deeply, so I left her (yes, mother of the year over here)
Once we got up and going, and while wearing pajama pants that John dubs "Hammer Pants", I heard myself yelling a few times " Eat now!"..." Where are your snow pants!"..."Stop bothering your brother!".
Looking at the clock, I discover we have less than two minutes to get to the end of the driveway. So, I pull on my uggs, a long, puffy winter coat, hat and gloves and head to the end of the driveway where the driver picks up Kalea.
As always, she is excited to see Huey, her bus driver and waves to her beloved friends on her bus, she hops on, I wave to Huey and head back into the house.
This is where my idealism faded quickly.
My 'hammer pants' with their graphic, bright print were hanging out of my salt stained boots, my coat needs to be stitched at the bottom where the zipper started coming undone and needs a good washing. My hair was thankfully covered up by a toque and I desperately needed to brush my teeth. No diamond studs, no leather loafers...no steamy hot cup of Joe.

Am I a little less glamorous, yup.
Am I an less happy?

NO.